memory lane...

sooo putting off studying for a little bit longer...

decided to type up some old entries i wrote in my journal way back when

written december 24th, 2004. enjoy!

"incredible sadness, a feeling i can't describe
i've felt this before--this void, this vibe
and though i try, i can't find the words
they escape before my fingers, like birds
fluttering away into the vast sky
questions form in my head, and i ask myself why
why on Christmas Eve do i feel this emotion?
why am i bothered by this notion?
why does emotion overpower me?
why does my concentration flee?
all i can do is sit here and stare
though the world around me changes, i am unaware
off into space i let my mind wander
thoughts enter my mind, and i ponder
all i can do is sit here and think
and slowly i begin to sink
in the pool of thoughts inside my head
the thoughts grow and begin to spread
trickling into every crevice and every crack
someone save me from this attack
tears flood my eyes, but do not leak out
i do not give my eyes permission to impersonate a spout
i feel sadness but not self-pity
in my heart, there is growing a city
a city of the unfamiliar and of doubt
i don't know from where this well of sadness sprouts
but looking in, i see no end
i have a long ways, and i've only begun to descend
where will my sadness lead me?
when will i be able to be free?
for so long have i been a slave
being swallowed up by this wave
of strong emotion that i cannot escape
but i cannot flee for i have been scraped
sadness has made its mark
and though my world has become dark,
i can't help but wonder
though i'm torn asunder--
sadness is beautiful"


i sound so negative and depressed
i guess i had a lot on my mind back then